sacrifice
by emicha
Summary: Second OS by me. Many things are stupid but you only know so when you try it.


Her gaze is frozen when she tells him, her words are cold. What follows is silence. Levi was well aware of that this was going to happen one day, but right now, in this moment, he only feels a very new kind of pain. This new pain does not hurt his legs or his head, it's not a physical injury. This time it hurts inside, in his stomach, his heart. Truth is, he was not prepared.

"Well then", he says, his voice is calm, his words feel strange in his own ears. "I hope you will be happy." He would love to say more, something else, something smart or just the words he really wants to say. But he does not do so.

Mikasa looks at him, her eyes narrow. "Is this all you have to say?"

He is just looking at her and it is one of this situations where he does not know what to do.

_No._, he wants to say. _No, of course not._ Actually.

He has so much more to say, but right now, he can't. Because she is right and no words would change this.

"Okay.", her words are nothing more than a whispering, when he does not answers her question. "Guess it's the best, isn't it?"

Levi nods. "It's the best.", he tries to say it calmly but almost spits his words out, a growing anger inside. He is not sure if he is angry about her or himself or this whole damn world that already took so much from him. And now it is her turn to leave, too. And as he did every time before, he would watch her leave without holding her back. Because he is not strong enough.

He hates to let her go, to give up on her. On them. But as she said, it is the best.

"I will go now. Have a good rest, Captain.", Mikasa breaks the silence and is about to leave Levi's room. She knew it would end up like this. But she hoped different, hoped he would find a way to let things turn out different, because he always finds a way.

All she wants now is to leave but she also wants to be held back by him. It is so damn hard.

"Mikasa." _Finally._ His words come all of sudden, but she was waiting for them, waiting to hear him say her name. She stops at the door and turns around, her heart is beating faster. The dark haired woman looks at him expectantly, but all he says is a quiet "I'm sorry."

Again, there is a thick silence laying over them, and when Mikasa faces the door again, all she says is "So am I."

Days are passing by, followed by weeks, months. And her gaze never finds his.

Levi misses her. The way they held each other close, the way they talked about things nobody else would ever know about them. He misses the way they were together. And sometimes he asks himself if she feels the same.

But it won't have worked anyway. When they started to get close, they thought nothing would really change, expect their relationship of course. This was such a stupid thing to do.

Soon their feelings stood in the way of what is their duty.

Humanity.

So many things they could not have give each other because of this, of the burden they are bearing.

He feels sorry for that.

In the end, right now, Levi is not able to move and his body feels numb. His swords are gone, his horse is dead and even if he could move, he would not be able to get his gear work properly.

He is alone and from a distance he can hear them coming closer. The titans smell his fresh blood and they will get him. This time they will totally get him. _Tch._

And actually, he does not care, not really. He was dead long time before, gave everything he owned to people he does not even know. Everything he had he gave to humanity.

He even sacrified her.

He would miss her even when he already lost her a long time ago. He would miss the sound of her voice, her appearance, the way she sometimes looks around, deep in mind. Her strength. The way she used to look at him...

But when the giant shadow shows up high above him, his minds get interrupted. The time has come. His end has arrived.

Levi watches the huge hand coming closer, the titans eyes watch him interested but will only see food in him anyways. "Great, of course I get the most ugliest one.", Levi thinks when he sees the titans grinning grimace.

The titans hand lifts him up from the dirty ground and Levis breath is getting faster, it is not really fear that flows through his veins and it surprises him. He should be afraid, but he is not.

When Levi comes closer to the open mouth of the monster, he continues to think about her, tries to remember everything about the girl worth a hundred soldiers. His equal. And even in the eye of death, he feels calm.

He thinks about her, because there are so many memories of her, of them, which makes him happy, which makes him feel like he was alive. Really alive.

Levi loves how their hostile glances turned into sudden touches and to deep gazes that lend into fast but soft kisses when nobody was watching.

And he hates how all of this was gone, vanished by a few words.

"_I can't do this anymore, Levi. It's over. We cannot go any further. We need to stop before it's too late."_

He never forgot the last words she told him, the words she told him this one evening. The evening it has ended.

And he wishes they went further.

He wishes he had have more time to be with her.

He wishes her to be fine, to be happy.

In his last moments he wishes for so many things and regrets so much.

He regrets to never have told her how much she really means to him.

Regrets that he was not able to give them a chance.

That he chose the easy way out.

And in his very last moment he hopes she feels the same, because they are both idiots. Idiots, who did not get their problems done, but they were idiots who tried. At least.

And he does not feel sorry for trying.


End file.
